


Wilted Roses

by SparklyYuta



Series: Burn My Lungs [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, i don't know what to call the ending?, i literally wrote this within 3 hours, it's not a happy one though, this one probably isn't as sad as the first one?, uh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-03
Updated: 2019-06-03
Packaged: 2020-04-07 05:43:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19078660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SparklyYuta/pseuds/SparklyYuta
Summary: Jeno loves Renjun and he knows surgery is the best way out of his situation, but he finds /he/ isn't the one who needs to get it in the end.





	Wilted Roses

**Author's Note:**

> Uhhhh i didn't mean for this to be a series but????? Oh well??????

Jeno wiped his hand across his mouth as he sat back against the bathroom wall. He cringed at the sight of smeared blood on his hands, before hanging his head.

“this isn't good for you… you can't really expect to continue performing like this, you need to get help.” Jaemin says, sitting next to Jeno.

“Please i’m begging you, Jeno.” He adds on, as the other raises his head.

“They're just flowers, Nana. It’s not gonna do much.”

“You can't be serious, Jeno. How can you say that after-” Jaemin stopped talking, eyes watering slightly, and Jeno regrets letting the words leave his mouth.

Jaemin leans back against the wall, bringing one of his hands up to wipe at his eyes with his sleeves. “This-this isn't a joke, Jeno.. it’s a big-big problem..”

Jeno stays silent, averting his gaze away from the younger.

“I don’t want what-what happened to Yuta hyung to-to happen to you… i-i don't want to lose another brother….” Jaemin’s voice was shaky as he spoke, and Jeno felt his own eyes burn with tears as the name of their lost hyung was spoken.

It was two years after the japanese male had passed away, and everyone was still coping with the loss, so it hit hard when Jeno remembered the pain that Yuta had dealt with, yet kept silent about it.

“Please Jeno… please…” Jaemin says softly, and he leans into Jeno as the older wraps his arms around him.

“I’ll…. i’ll do it… ok? Just.. don’t cry, Nana..” Jeno said softly.

 

Jeno sat in his makeup chair, waiting for the stylists to arrive to start on him for the stage they were about to perform on.

Him and the other dreamies were all in the same room, each doing their own thing, and as Jeno glanced around the room, his gaze settled on Renjun.

Renjun was still barefaced, and his hair was a mess, but to Jeno he still looked beautiful, as always.

“You're staring is obvious…” he heard a voice from next to him, and he turned his head to see Jaemin sitting in the chair beside him.

“I say just tell him now, Jeno.” Jaemin continues, looking down at his phone where a youtube video was now paused. “Once you get the surgery, you won't feel the way you do about him now.”

Jeno averts his gaze from him then, looking down at his lap where his hands were messing with a makeup brush.

“”I scheduled the surgery for tomorrow… i won't have enough time to tell him since…. since he’ busy right now…” Jeno says softly, and Jaemin looks up from his phone then to look at his friend.

“I’m sorry Jeno… i-i know that it sucks…” Jaemin tried finding the right words, jumbling them around in his head, but the stylists come into the room before he can speak.

“Yeah, it sucks, but you don't know anything about how it feels.” Jeno’s tone was suddenly sour, and it made Jaemin’s mouth open in slight shock.

“Until you start choking up flowers, don't try to sympathize with me.”

Jaemin’s world stopped in that moment.

He never heard Jeno sound so…. mean.

“Jeno, what-” Jaemin stopped talking once the stylists came over to them, and as he turns to look at the mirror in front of him, he faintly hears Jeno ask to move to a different seat, and his heart breaks a little.

 

 

On stage, it’s obvious something is off. Chenle and Jisung have noticed by now that Jeno is trying to avoid being near Jaemin whenever the choreography has them next to each other, and it worries them.

As they walk off the stage, Jeno is the first to enter the dressing room, a makeup wipe in hand and his clothes hanging over his arm.

He’s the first to leave.

“Jaemin hyung,” siad male stops by his clothes to turn and face Chenle and Jisung.

“What is it?” Jaemin says, brows furrowed slightly as he takes in the worried looks on the younger boys’ faces.

“Did,” Jisung pauses, glancing over at the door where Jeno left just moments ago, “did you and Jeno hyung have a fight? It looked like he was trying to avoid you..”

Jaemin’s mouth opens slightly to respond, and as he looks over at the door, he frowns. “No we… we didn't fight… just a.. a misunderstanding.” He looks back at the boys with a smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes.

“Dont worry too much about it.” He says before grabbing his clothes and leaving as well.

 

 

Back in the dorm, things were tense.

Jeno slept on the couch in the living area, instead of in his shared room with Jaemin and Renjun, and no one questioned it until the next morning, when Jeno finally woke up.

“Jeno, why’d you sleep out here? It felt weird with just Jaemin in the room.” Renjun asked, and Jaemin’s grip on his chopsticks froze, gaze stuck on his breakfast in front of him.

“It felt stuffy in there.” Jeno replied, already washing his plate off. His appointment at the hospital was soon, so he needed to get ready fast.

“And Renjun,” Jeno looked over at said male, who looked back at him with wide eyes, showing he was listening, “i… i need to talk to you later… i’ll call you when i need to.”

Renjun nodded at the words, humming as he does before turning back to his breakfast.

Jaemin finished his plate and left it in the sink once Jeno left the kitchen, feeling his lungs begin to burn as he rushed to the bathroom.

He closed and locked the door behind him before hunching over the toilet, coughing up the things he hated the most now.

His eyes burned with tears as he watched the roses soak up the water, and he reached a hand up to flush the toilet before leaning back.

“Jeno… why him… why not me…” Jaemin sobbed quietly, bringing his knees up to his chest.

His chest burned from throwing up, and from the sobbing, but he didn't care at the moment.

He just wanted to sleep now. Worrying about his stupid love for Jeno could wait.

 

 

Jeno felt his heart pound in his chest as he stood in front of the hospital. He had his phone in his hand, Renjun’s number shining on the screen as he bit at his lip.

He looked down at the screen before tapping on the call button and bringing it up to his ear.

He waited for a moment, before hearing Renjun’s voice.

“Renjun,” he starts before the other can say much of anything, “come to the hospital.”

“Wht? Why? Is someone hurt? Are you hurt?” Renjun starts asking, and Jeno feels himself begin to smile.

“No, i’m not hurt…. just get here ok? Before three please…” Jeno says softly, and he hears Renjun’s slight worried breathing.

“O-ok, i’ll be there in a little bit.” Renjun responds.

When Renjun arrives, Jeno is sitting in the waiting room, waiting for his name to be called finally.

Renjun takes the empty seat next to him, dragging Jeno’s attention away from the floor.

“I’m here… sorry i took so long.. Jaemin had asked me to come with.” Renjun apologized, glancing over his shoulder at Jaemin who decided to keep his distance from the duo for some unknown reason to Renjun.

“It’s fine, you’re here and that’s all that matter.” Jeno says, a soft smile on his lips.

“What did you want to tell me?” Renjun asks, and Jeno shifts in his seat to face the smaller male.

“Renjun, i.. i’ve been coughing up flowers for.. a few weeks now…” Jeno admits, and he sees the way Renjun’s eyes widen, already tearing up slightly.

“Like what-what happened to…” Renjun trails off and Jeno nods his head.

“Yeah.. like what happened to Yuta hyung…” Jeno says, and Renjun’s hands grab his own out of his laps.

“Who?”

Jeno bites his bottom lip slightly, staring down at their interlocked hands.

“You, Renjun..”

It’s silent for a moment, and he expects Renjun’s hands to pull away from his own, he expects the smaller male to get up and leave, to spit his feelings back at him, but it doesn't happen.

Renjun’s hands in fact tighten around his own, and Jeno raises his gaze to meet the younger’s in time to see a tear fall down his cheek.

“Jeno,” Renjun starts, looking down at their hands. “Why didn't you just tell me before?”

“I was scared.” Jeno says quietly.

“You were here for the surgery, weren't you?” Renjun asks, and Jeno nods.

“Don’t get it,” Jeno looks up in shock, but Renjun continues, “Jeno, it won't be necessary to get it. In all honesty, i’ve kinda had some sort of feelings for you for awhile now.” He says, and Jeno watches a smile crosses Renjun’s face.

“Cancel the appointment and we can go back to the dorm, ok?” Renjun suggests, and Jeno nods, going to turn away but stopping when Renjun suddenly leans forward, pressing a soft and chaste kiss against the corner of his lips.

Suddenly the burning feeling in Jeno’s throat was gone, and he felt like he could breathe normally after what felt like forever.

As Jeno gets up to cancel the appointment, with Renjun following behind him, they fail to notice the sound of rushed footsteps running past them.

 

 

Jaemin lays in bed, staring at the wall in front of him. His chest and throat hurt like hell, and it only seemed to get worse ever since he saw the little confession at the hospital two weeks ago.

He was in the same state Yuta had been in by now. He hadn't been able to keep anything down lately, not to mention sleep was nothing but a distant memory by now. He felt stupid for letting his feelings grow.

“God, i’m such a hypocrite… i told him to get the damn thing when i'm suffering here too.” Jaemin muttered to himself, before sitting up.

He felt that scratchy feeling at the back of his throat and is quick to cover his mouth with his hand, before letting out a violent cough.

He hopes that no one heard it as he gets up, walking to the bathroom.

He closes and locks the door behind him, before resting his palms on the counter. He spits into the sink, watching as some blood went down the drain before turning the water on and rinsing his mouth out.

“Hyung?” Jaemin jumps at the voice, and he lets out a sigh as he turns to look at the door.

“Yeah?”

“Are you ok?” Jisung asked, and Jaemin hated lying to him, so he didn't.

“No..” he responds softly, and he unlocks and opens the door to look at the younger.

“Jisungie…” Jaemin begins, his eyes begin to burn with fresh tears again, but hes not able to say much more, before he feels his knees give out under him before he collapses into the younger’s arms.

“Jaemin hyung! Hyung!” Jisung exclaims, moving to lay Jaemin on the ground. He feels his heart pound in his chest before tears start to stream down his cheeks from fear and worry.

“Jeno hyung! Renjun hyung!”

 

 

Jaemin wakes up to a bright light shining in his face, and he lets out a soft groan of annoyance. He raises his head slightly, glancing around the room only to be tackled into a hug a moment later.

“Jaemin hyung! You're awake! I was so scared!” He hears multiple yells, and it takes him a second to realize it’s Jisung hugging him.

He feels tears dampen his shoulder, and he’s quick to wrap his arms back around Jisung, before slowly tightening them around the younger.

“Ah, Ji-Jisungie, i’m sorry,” Jaemin says softly, his throat burning with every word he says, “i-i didn't mean to scare you.”

“Hyung…” Jisung says, “why didn't you tell us? Why didn't you say anything?” The younger pulls away from the hug, and Jaemin hates how much crying he had been doing lately.

“Wh-why did y-you let your-yourself suffer like Yut-yuta hyung did?” Jisung says, voice breaking and cracking as he speaks.

Jaemin can't find the words to explain why he did. “Jisung i’m sorry, really i am.” He tries to explain, but his throat burns more and more as he does.

“Who did you even fall for?” Jisung cant help but ask, and Jaemin swallows thickly.

“Jeno.”

Jisung frowns at the response.

The door opens then, revealing Taeyong and Sicheng there, and Jaemin nows hes gonna get an earful of it now.

“Jaemin,” Sicheng speaks first, stepping into the room, and Jaemin waits as Sicheng walks to the side of his bed. “Are you okay?”

Jaemin looks down at his hands, before modding slightly. “Yeah, i’m ok hyung…” he feels arms wrap around him, and he leans into the chinese male’s warm embrace.

“You really scared all of us…” Sicheng whispers, and Jaemin knows he’s trying not to cry. “We’re all… so relieved… that you’re a-awake.”

Jaemin doesn't move his head to look at the older, and instead buries his nose into Sicheng’s neck in response.

“You have a choice now though…” Jaemin didnt know how much he hated those words until they left Taeyong’s lips.

He looks over at Taeyong, seeing that he was also crying based on how red and blotchy his face looked.

“You can get the surgery, Jaemin, but if…” Taeyong stops talking, trying to keep his voice steady, “if you choose not to, we-we won’t go against your decision.”

Jaemin looks between the three males in the room, and seeing that he doesn't want the last thing he sees them do is cry, he already knows his decision.

“I’ll get it…” He says softly, and lowers his gaze from them, “i’m not ready to leave you guys yet.”

 

The boys are all sitting in the wait room while they wait for the doctor to come update them on Jaemin’s condition, and it feels like an eternity before they hear someone step in, and call for the family of Na Jaemin.

Taeyong gets up and walks over, with Sicheng and Jisung following him.

“He’ll make it through,” those four words brought so much relief through him that he almost fell, luckily Sicheng held him up before he could.

“He’ll be staying here though for a few weeks though to heal. He should be excused from any schedules he had for those weeks, and he should be able to get back into the flow of things after a month and a half.”

Taeyong nodded as the doctor explained what Jaemin needed to do once he was released, and he feels tears of joy burn at his eyes.

“Thank you so much Doctor.” He says, his smile so wide that his cheeks started to hurt.

The doctor smiled and bowed his head before turning and walking away.

Taeyong, Sicheng and Jisung walke back to the group, all feeling like a huge weight left their shoulders, and the others felt the same when they noticed the big relieved smiles on their faces.

Taeyong feels his eyes still burn with unshed tears as his grin only widens.

“He’ll be okay.”

 

 

Weeks pass, and Jaemin is asleep for most of it, only waking up whenever the doctors come in to have him eat or drink or take the painkillers whenever he starts moving too much in his sleep.

The day when he’s supposed to be discharged is the day that he can think straight once more now that he's off the meds and everything.

“How do you feel, Jaemin hyung?” Chenle asks, taking a seat in the chair by Jaemin’s bed.

“Like shit.” Jaemin complained, bringing his hands up to cover his eyes. “I didn't know i was gonna have a killer headache after....” he trailed off, finding a blank in his memory.

He isnt able to linger on it too long though.

“It’ll pass,” Jaemin looks over at the door to see Johnny. “It’s just a headache, so it’ll go away once you eat something.”

Jaemin sighs as Johnny walks over. “Come on let’s get you out of bed and dressed so that we can finally leave this place.” Johnny says, as Jaemin sits up in bed.

 

 

When they return home, Chenle helps Jaemin out of the van before walking him to the door.

Once the door opens, a pair of arms wrap around his neck, shocking him slightly and making him wince in pain at the pressure on his chest.

“Ow,” he says and the person who hugs him pulls away.

“Oh! Sorry, Nana, i was just excited to see you home finally.” Renjun says and Jaemin smiles in return, though it doesn't entirely reach his eyes.

“Yeah, i’m excited i’m back home too...” He says, and he hears footsteps come from the kitchen, before Jisung and Jeno appear in the entrance way.

“Hyung! You’re home!” Jisung exclaims, rushing over. He’s gentle when he hugs Jaemin, making sure not to apply much pressure on his chest before he pulls away.

Jaemin listens as Jisung talks a bit animatedly, telling him about all the things he missed while in the hospital, before Jaemin’s gaze glides over to Jeno, who hadn’t really moved from his spot.

Their eyes lock and it's like the world stops… yet Jaemin feels nothing other than a feeling of loss and confusion.

He doesn't… feel right suddenly, and he moves his gaze away from Jeno, and it doesn't go unnoticed by the others.

“Hyung?” Jisung asks softly.

Jaemin hums in response, looking at the youngest boy.

“Are you ok?”

Jaemin flicks his gaze back over to Jeno, before he looks away again, his stomach flipping with something unknown to him.

“Yeah, i’m fine.”

He felt something sour build up on the tip of his tongue the longer he stared at Jeno, before he tore his gaze away.

“Just trying to figure out what the hell happened while i was out…”


End file.
